Right Said Fred (Cup of Tea)

We both heard Greg Clarke sing this one. He heard David Jones sing it, and David found it on a recording of Bernard Cribbons'. The words following are the original ones.

"Right," said Fred, "Both of us together

One each end and steady as we go."

Tried to shift it, couldn't even lift it

We was getting nowhere

And we had a cuppa tea and

"Right," said Fred, "Give a shout for Charlie."

Up comes Charlie from the floor below.

After strainin', heavin' and complainin'

We was getting nowhere

And so we had a cuppa tea.

And Charlie had a think, and he thought we ought

to take off the handles

And the things wot held the candles.

But it did no good, well I never thought it would

"All right," said Fred, "Have to take the feet off

To get them feet off wouldn't take a mo."

Took its feet off, even took the seat off

Should have got us somewhere, but no!

So Fred said, "Let's have another cuppa tea."

And we said, "Right-o."

"Right," said Fred, "Have to take the door off,

Need more space to shift the so-and-so."

Had bad twinges taking off the hinges

And it got us nowhere

And so we had a cuppa tea and

"Right," said Fred, "Have to take the wall down,

That there wall is gonna have to go."

Took the wall down, even with it all down

We was getting nowhere

And so we had a cuppa tea

And Charlie had a think, and he said, "Look Fred,

I get a sort of feelin'

If we remove the ceilin'

With a rope or two we could drop the blighter through."

"All right," said Fred, climbing up a ladder

With his crowbar gave a mighty blow.

Was he in trouble, half a ton of rubble landed on the top of his dome.

So Charlie and me had another cuppa tea

And then we went home.

(I said to Charlie, "We'll just have to leave it standing on the landing, that's all…

Trouble with Fred is, he's too hasty… Never get nowhere if you're too hasty.")

Right Said Fred is recorded on the album Neighbors